Transitions

I am the little one in pink.

This is a great article on how to help sibling relationships transition to adulthood.  If you have siblings, you should definitely check it out here.  As the youngest child, with a large age gap between me and the next sibling, this article applies to me well.  The last several years, I have been through many major transitions that have changed my life a lot, in many wonderful ways.

The family picture we took before my brother left on his mission to Florida.

My childhood has been a transition of losing siblings...losing them in the sense that they were leaving home and becoming adults.  As my older siblings were leaving the house, I was still quite young, at the ages of 4, 6, and 11.  In many ways, my siblings played the roles of parent, teacher, coach, etc.  You could say that we did not always have a traditional siblings' relationship, but what is a traditional sibling relationship anyway?  They have always been there for me, and to me, that is what being a sibling is about.  You know that you will always be there for your siblings, and they will always be there for you.  You love them unconditionally, and you always have their best interests at heart.  Eventually, my brothers got married, and I got two other sisters, both in the same year.  I was so excited!  But again, in some ways, I was still a child to them, me being only 13 and 14 years old.  But again, we were always there for each other.  They have been amazing friends and amazing sisters.  I feel so honored to be an aunt to their children.  I have been able to watch these kids learn and grown.  They are some of the most special little kids in the world, and they mean the world to me.

Family Picture 2010

When I began going to college and moved away from home, I began the transition to adulthood.  I started taking care of bills, living with roommates, working, and had many new responsibilities.  It was a big transition.  I missed home a lot, especially because of the close relationship that I share with my mom and dad.  I felt so blessed to have brothers and their families who lived close to me.  It meant a lot to have their love, support, and guidance.  One way that I struggled though was that I felt that they did not always treat me as the adult I now was.  I was forming my own opinions and beliefs, my own outlook on life.  But I knew that they only wanted what was best for me.

Our Wedding Day

I met my sweet husband, Oliver, in 2011.  And we were married on June 2, 2012.  He is an amazing husband, and he is such a great example to me.  This, of course, was one of the biggest transitions of my life.  Oliver and I had started our own little family.  And the needs of this little family needed to come first.  Just like my brothers needed to put their little families first.  But, since I was the youngest, I felt pressure to live up to the way things were...instead of beginning this new phase of my life.  I struggled a great deal with this, because I always try to make everyone that I care about happy.  It tore me apart inside that as I tried to work on making my new marriage stronger, my siblings and I seemed to drift apart a bit.  I was trying, but I was also doing this while trying to balance school, work, homework, housework, my relationship with my husband, etc.  But I began to find balance.  I realized that I could not do everything.  As long as I was doing all that I could to work on these relationships in my life, that was all I could do.  That was enough.  This brought on a feeling of peace that was much needed.  I already had enough stress in my life, so to allow myself to relax a bit in this area of my life was a great relief.  I have wonderful family members, but sometimes they did not seem to understand why their younger sister could no longer do it all.  So this struggle of trying not to stress myself out as much was still difficult, because I could feel the sting of every "Why don't you come over as much anymore?" and "Why don't you call as much just to chat?"  I know I am far from perfect, but I am trying, and I am already hard enough on myself.  Thankfully, most of them seemed to realize that I had become an adult, and that I wanted to help them however I could.  But each of us had our own family and their needs needed to come first.

The AhMu Family Picture 2012
One of the first AhMu family pictures I was a part of

Also as a result of our marriage, I got some amazing in-laws, including a new sister and two new brothers.  This time around, I am the older sibling.  My hope is to always be there for them as well to love, guide, and support them as needed.  All three of these new siblings each have unique talents and are wonderful people.  I am so grateful that I am able to call them sister and brothers.

It's a girl!

Then, I found out that Oliver and I were going to be welcoming a little baby girl into the world.  We could not be happier.  We had both received confirmation that we were supposed to have her, and we knew that she would be such a great blessing in our lives...and we hoped to be the same for her.  I had a rough time balancing everything in life while being pregnant, because I constantly felt nauseated and had really bad migraines...which both played off of the other.  I was still working and going to school, along with the responsibilities of being a wife and future mother.  Sometimes again, family had a difficult time understanding why I was not always contacting them or coming over.  I simply did not have a lot of time on my hands, and I was dealing with a lot.  But I made it through with the support of my husband and our families.

The Lewis Family Picture 2013
In 2015, there will be three new faces in our family picture, and I am so excited to see that!

Our little Katie was born on October 14, 2013.  And we were right; she has been a precious blessing in our lives.  She is learning and growing every day.  We appreciate all of the love and support that has been shown by our family for us and her.  Life has still been quite crazy, but this little girl is worth it.  She is a good little baby, and we look forward to helping her become a wonderful young woman someday.  (Thankfully, that is a few years off though, because are thoroughly enjoying the little girl she is right now.)

Katie Dawn

There have been many tears along the way, because of difficulty in understanding what the other siblings were going through.  But I hope that we are all learning to better understand and appreciate one another.  Siblings are a special blessing from our Heavenly Father; friends no matter what in this crazy journey called life.  I want to let each of my siblings (blood and otherwise) know how much I love and appreciate them.  I am grateful for them trying to understand me through my many transitions in life, and I hope to be able to strengthen our relationships in the future.  I am striving to become a better sister.  I want them to know that I will always be there for them, to help them in any way that I can.  I love you all very much!  I feel so special to have four sisters and four brothers so far, and I cannot wait to meet my other siblings someday.  You are the best!

My precious daughter

Maybe someday, this cute little girl will have some siblings of her own!  For now, two new cousins this year will work! 

New Family Blog

I have taken quite the break from blogging, but I am going to pick it up again.  Blogging is therapeutic.  This is going to remain my blog to write down some of my own personal feelings and adventures.  But I am working on putting together a family blog.  It will contain the stories from day one of Oliver and I's life together...as soon as I can get all of those posts caught up.  Until then, I am going to start from the here and now.  Hope you enjoy!

MIA- Mildly in Amour (with Ah Mu)

Sorry about the lack of blog posts, I have been a little distracted (see above).  I plan to get back on board soon.

Needed After Partying....zzzz.....

Yes, my friends, I mean a nap.  I have definitely been feeling the effects of sleep deprivation the last few days.  But would I change anything....no, not a thing.  After two semesters with absolutely no social life (I worked from 5-9pm), summer has been a wonderful blessing for me.  I mean, people in my ward actually know who I am now.  I have been keeping busy with FHE, game night, concerts, movie night, volleyball, ultimate frisbee, hanging out with friends, and a few dates.  I know Heavenly Father allows you experiences at different points in your life, so that you will appreciate them all the more.  He gave me the opportunity to push myself out of my comfort zone this summer and befriend many new people who have become amazing friends.  They do not know the impact they have already made in my life, but I am so grateful for each one of them. 

This weekend I went on a date with a few similarities to this scene of the movie Tangled.

 That's right, we floated lanterns.  It was such a fun group date.  We had a crazy night including almost running off the side of the road, nearly getting blown away by the wind, nearly lighting a tree on fire (that was not my date and me), and getting some awesome Blizzards to finish off the night.  Life has been great.  Also, we have been going to Movies in the Park this month, including Prince of Persia and you guessed it, Tangled.  I love that Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need at points in our life, better than anything that we could have come up on our own.  Now, for the rest of the week, we have game night, volleyball, ultimate frisbee, a free concert, and potentially, a trip home for a few days.  I love life!

HARRY POTTER! - Harry Potter Marathon, Harry Potter Movie, and Harry Potter Fest

In celebration of the new Harry Potter movie, I held six Harry Potter parties to watch the previous movies (one night was a double feature).  It was a lot of fun, and each night, we had a great turnout.  For the last night, I wanted to do something special.  We watched the first part of the seventh movie (with the second part coming out that night at midnight).  I decided to make some homemade root beer, which everyone loved (thank goodness, since it had been my first time making it).  I was also going to make some wands (a.k.a. chocolate covered pretzels).

  

I had to move the party up, so people would be able to come and then get good seats at the premiere.  Jason and Heather came to the rescue and made some amazing chocolate and caramel dipped pretzels.  Jason even decorated them with a white chocolate scar and HP7.  Thank you Jason and Heather!  You two are the BEST!

Don't they look good!  They were delicious, and everyone enjoyed them!

After the party, Sarah and I headed off to the theater.  The movie was amazing!  They wrapped up the series nicely.  There were a few parts that were not my favorite, but that was to be expected.  Overall, the show was absolutely magical (pun intended).

My friend Bryan had been trying to make it to the movie for a few days, but his groups kept falling through.  So then on Monday, the 18th, I set off to apartments to invite people to come to the movie.  We got a group of ten and went to the movie again.  We had a great time, and the movie was just as amazing the second time around!  (I just hope I get reimbursed for those tickets I bought...eventually.)

Tonight, I am going to the Harry Potter Fest which is being put on by the BYU Student Activities Board.  There is supposed to be muggle quidditch, butter beer, etc.  It should be a lot of fun!

You may be thinking that I am obsessed with Harry Potter.  I would not say that I am obsessed, but I do love it (Who wouldn't?  It is an amazing story!).  But my life is not all Harry Potter right now.  After the Harry Potter Fest, I am going to go hiking Rock Canyon with some friends.  Then, it is off to New Mexico for the Lewis Family Reunion in the morning! :)

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

These were two of my favorite shows when I was younger.  Will Smith is an amazing actor, and everything I needed to know about life, I learned from Mr. Feeny, lol, or at least some valuable lessons.  To me, Boy Meets World is the kind of television that we should return to for youth, shows that teach lessons about people and life.

Smallville, my favorite show, just recently ended.  Ten seasons, it has been a long journey, watching Clark Kent become Superman.  These two men might also be two of my favorites. ;)

Psych!  I love this show!  The humor, the storyline, the characters; I basically love it as a whole.  I am excited for this next season, especially for when they mention BYU!

I love the story of North and South.  Not everyone appreciates the beauty of Elizabeth Gaskell's story, but I personally love it, and I cannot wait to finally read the book!

I have loved this movie since I was little.  It mixes the classic story with the new world and great comedy from  Cary Elwes.

Ever After- a favorite- the better Cinderella story.

Pirates of the Caribbean- great movie!  Still need to see the fourth one though.

Then, of course, there is Pride and Prejudice.  One of my favorite stories, this movie is well-acted and beautifully created.  Favorite story = favorite movie! <3

Favorite story, favorite movie, favorite book...I LOVE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE...enough said.

Symphony- creamy milk chocolate, almonds, and toffee chips, basically the best candy bar ever.

Favorite Cereals- 3. Banana Nut Crunch 2. Life 1. Just Bunches! (replacing my old favorite Honey Bunches of Oats: Honey Roasted)

My two favorite baked goods paired with my favorite drink, where can you go wrong? Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, milk, and rocky road brownies.

Most people have never heard of this flower, but I love it.  Not only does it look beautiful, but I love the scent of plumerias, simply intoxicating.

Last, but definitely not least, my favorite people!  My friends who are as good as family, and my family who are also my best friends!  I love them all with my whole heart! <3

Schools Out For SUMMER!

I helped publish an eBook! You can download it here. It is called Writing about Literature in the Digital Age, which is also the name of the class that produced it. My chapter is on why online discussion forums should be implemented into class curriculum. Everyone in my class did a great job. You should check it out. For more information, visit my other blog.


What does this all mean? It means that I am done with spring term! Whohoo! :) Now, I will be working full-time at the lock shop. I will keep you updated on that. I actually just learned how to pin schlage cylinders today (see above). Not to mention that the main tools I have used today have been a permanent marker and a paper clip?!


Now, it is time for summer. Time to party it up with family and friends. Last night, my friend Erin and I went to a night of Battle of the Bands, because a member of Searching for Celia had approached me about coming. I was already planning on going on Friday or Saturday with my roommate Sarah, but I thought, "Why not! I deserve it!" So off to the show we went. It was pretty good. The first band was not my favorite, but they kept getting better throughout the night until Searching for Celia got on. They were AMAZING! Sadly, we had to leave early, but I hope they won!


Anyway, back to marking little "H's" on the key tags (hence the permanent marker). Lunch break is over. We are distinguishing our keys from the other shop's keys, A's for academic and H's for housing. Tonight, it is ultimate frisbee with the ward and then some time in the pool. Summer is off to a great start! :)

How Could Life Get Any Better?

If you haven't watched this video...you should.

It will make your life better. :)

My Life Right Now In Song...

I know I can't take one more step towards you, because all that's waiting is regret. And don't you know, I'm not your ghost anymore. You lost the love I loved the most. And who do you think you are, running 'round leaving cars, collecting your jar of hearts, and tearing love apart. You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul, so don't come back to me. I have grown too strong to ever fall back in your arms. And who do you think you are, running 'round leaving scars, collecting your jar of hearts, and tearing love apart. Don't come back for me. Don't come back at all! Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are?

I tried to give you everything, but you just gave me lies. I'm ain't trippin'; I'm just missin' you. What am I waiting for? My heart's still breakin'. Say you want me back, but you never do. I feel like such a fool.

Broken clock is a comfort; it helps me sleep tonight. I'm falling apart; I'm barely breathing. With a broken heart, that's still beating. In the pain, there is healing. The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head. I tried my best to be guarded...I'm an open book instead. And I'm hanging on to the words you say...you said that I will be okay.

Let's talk this over; it's not like we're dead. Was it something I did? Was it something you said? Don't leave me hanging in a city so dead, held up so high on such a breakable thread. You were all the things I thought I knew and I thought we could be. You were everything, everything that I wanted. We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it. All of our memories so close to me just fade away. All this time you were pretending, so much for my happy ending. It's nice to know that you were there. Thanks for acting like you cared and making me feel like I was the only one. It's nice to know we had it all. Thanks for watching as I fall and letting me know we were done.

You were always hard to hold so letting go ain't easy. I'm hanging on, but growing cold while my mind is leaving. Talk, talk is cheap...give me a word you can keep. 'Cause I'm halfway gone, and I'm on my way, and I'm feelin', feelin', feelin' this way. You got one foot out the door and choking on the other. Always thinkin' something more is just around the corner.

Intimacy. Honesty. Commitment. You. Me. Us. If I were a boy, I think I could understand how it feels to love a girl. I swear I'd be a better man. I'd listen to her 'cause I know how it hurts when you lose the one you wanted 'cause he's taking you for granted and everything you had got destroyed. It's a little too late for you to come back, say its just a mistake. Think I'd forgive you like that. If you thought I would wait for you, you thought wrong. But you're just a boy. You don't understand. And you don't understand, oh, how it feels to love a girl. Someday, you'll wish you were a better man.

And keep talking that mass, that's fine. Could you walk and talk, at the same time? Standing in the front door, telling me how I'm such a fool, talking 'bout how I'll never find another man like you. You got me twisted. You must not know 'bout me. You must not know 'bout me. I can have another you by tomorrow, so don't you ever for a second get to thinkin' you're irreplaceable. So go ahead and get gone. Call up that chick, and see if she's home. Oops, I bet you thought that I didn't know. What did you think I was putting you out for? Because you was untrue. So since I'm not your everything, how about I'll be nothing...nothing at all to you. Baby, I won't shed a tear for you. I won't lose a wink of sleep 'cause the truth of the matter is replacing you is so easy. You can pack all your bags. We're finished. 'Cause you made your bed, now lay in it. I could have another you by tomorrow. Don' you ever for a second get to thinkin' you're irreplaceable.

Personality...Be Aware Of...

So I took a personality test the other day, and it was probably one of the best I have ever taken.

But this is the part that really caught my eye:

That doesn't sound anything like me, does it?! lol. okay, maybe it does. =]

These are some aspects of my life that I do struggle with, especially in terms of relationships.

1. Indecisiveness, this is the girl who still usually resorts to Eeny, meeny, miny, moe for picking out a movie. I really can be happy with the results of multiple decisions, so I usually leave the decision-making to someone who is actually looking for a certain outcome. Over the past few years though, I have entered the adult world, and I have found that I CAN make decisions when what I choose ACTUALLY matters to my life. What school to attend, where do live, what job or classes to take, who do date...I am capable and willing to make these decisions, because these are the type of things that matter in my life. Of course, I may need to try to be a little more decisive over the little decisions when asked to be... :)

2. Trusting Nature. Yes, I am a very trusting person. If you tell me something, I will probably believe you, because I feel that people should be honest with me if I am going to be honest with them, and I should be willing to trust those willing to trust me. In dating, this aspect of my personality has often been the cause of a broken heart. The following quote by Greg Behrendt says it best:

"We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don't mean. We make promises we don't keep. "I'll call you." "Let's get together." We know we won't. On the Human Interaction Stock Exchange, our words have lost almost all their value. And the spiral continues, as we now don't even expect people to keep their word; in fact we might even be embarrassed to point out to the dirty liar that they never did what they said they'd do. So if a guy you're dating doesn't call when he says he's doing to, why should that be such a big deal? Because you should be dating a man who's at least as good as his word."

— Greg Behrendt

Here is another great quote by Elizabeth Gilbert. I believe that many of my family and friends will

agree that this has been me in my relationships. This is something that I am working on, because you cannot change a person. You have to simply love them for who they are:

"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."— Elizabeth Gilbert

3. Grudge-holding. This one I do not think fits me as well, but maybe I am wrong. I try to forgive as quickly and sincerely as I can, but sometimes, I do struggle with forgiving others, as many do. I do, however, often feel betrayed when someone has wronged me. It goes back to that trust in people that I have. When you care about someone, you let them in, trust them with your heart. When they break that trust, they have become so close to you, that they have the power to break your heart as well. Matters of the heart is mostly where I feel the most severely wronged, and it is for this reason. I feel mad at myself for being so naive as to blindly allow them the key with access to my heart, with the power to hurt me. Here is an example of those feelings with two poems:

"The Quiet Rain by Ashley Lewis"

Calming the raging water,
trying not to drown,
fighting the inevitable,
will not be dragged down.
Dark skies overhead,
another sleepless night,
when I lay down my head,
eyes, closed-shut tight.

Fighting tears, roaring down,
pouring down my face,
to others they make not one sound,
but leave the slightest trace.
This love that she cannot contain,
overwhelming her pounding heart;
but from revealing it, she must refrain.
She can only do her part.

Silently, she must go on,
hoping for the best,
waiting for the coming dawn,
enduring this trying test.

"Light Through The Dark" by Ashley Lewis

It’s hard to be the rain

to the one who is your sun.

I wanted to work through,

but you said you were done.

Of you, my only expectation

was to let me be there for you.

To help you through the trials,

keep you from feeling blue.

You had been my kindly angel,

my light through mists of dark.

The wish I had for this time,

a journey together to embark.

This path would not be easy;

I’d have it no other way,

than to be one another’s lighthouse,

keeping each other from harm’s way.

But through this unexpected storm,

I keep my light shining on.

Hoping you will soon return,

our love to build upon.

I am still trying to figure out these aspects of my personality and how to continue working to become the person I want to be. This is a process that we all go through in our lives. We can only do our best just like President Gordon B. Hinckley once said:

"Do your best, and be a little better than you are." — Gordon B. Hinckley

Get Out Of Your Mind

I thought about a dance routine from So You Think You Can Dance today, so naturally I found myself on YouTube watching it. I watched two seasons of this show and loved it, but this is my favorite routine of the whole show. It is so well done, and just think, Alex is a ballerina; even more impressive. :)

Definitely Brought A Smile

This is what I found on my bed when I got home from work today. Yes, that is a note as well.

The fact that I have only been given flowers one other time in my life might help add to the excitement. And the knowledge of who they are from... :)

From pretty much the kindest and most thoughtful man I have ever met.